


Pretending

by jenna221b



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Gen, Introspection, M/M, One Shot, POV Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:11:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenna221b/pseuds/jenna221b
Summary: Remus Lupin's year as a Professor was not an easy one.*Originally published in 2011 on CoS Forums- present me asks you to be gentle with past 16 year old me's writing ;) *





	

He knew, clichéd though it was, the very instant that he laid eyes on the boy, that it was James and Lily's son.  
  
It was very strange, surreal almost, to be abruptly woken from sleep and to see the dark outline of a thirteen year old boy with hopelessly untidy black hair and glasses. In fact, if Remus ignored the harsh reality that he was now a Professor with a worn face and greying hair, he could pretend that he was on the train to Hogwarts for the first time, and look: there was James slouching casually by the window, Peter hovering hesitantly in the doorframe and--  
  
No. There was an empty space by James, of course. No-one had ever sat there. (Yes, yes they had; it was S--) No. It was empty.  
  
When the Dementor eventually drifted far away from the carriage, Remus noticed that a red haired boy and a girl with bushy brown hair were crouching down on the carpet, looking terrified and then he realised Harry had fainted- cold sweat present on his now pasty face. Something inside him squirmed guiltily.  
  
But before he could dwell on this any longer, Harry had jerked back to consciousness and oh, God, the eyes, he had forgotten; they just _had_ to be Lily's, didn't they?  
  
And somehow it hurt to breathe when he saw both James and Lily in the boy, at the same time. And Remus realised that he had to _leave_ , right now.  
  
So, the only thing he could manage to say without his voice breaking was, "Are you alright, Harry?" Then he quickly gave them all chocolate and left to 'have a word with the driver.'  
  
When he returned, he made the smallest of jokes about the chocolate being poisoned but then nearly winced, because it was just the sort of thing the Marauders would say.  
  


***

  
Harry Potter continued to surprise Remus, that year.  
  
Firstly, the fear his Boggart materialised into was so profound and so deep for someone as young as he was.  
  
And then there was his almost defiant desperateness to master the Patronus Charm.  
  
Harry's Patronus just _had_ to be a stag. It just _had_ to be cast in the Quidditch Pitch.  
  
And Remus, being the utter fool that he was, just _had_ to imagine another boy zooming around the pitch on his broomstick, practically whooping with joy.  
  
For one heart stopping second, Remus thought he saw, in the dazzling silver light of the Patronus, a certain great, black dog, sitting, wary and alert, in the opposite stands. But he shook himself, and wondered about the possibility of purchasing some Muggle glasses.  
  


***

  
It was wrong, the Map, he told himself. It was based on a web of lies because S--the man himself had said whilst making it, "Marauders 'till the end and all that cheesy rubbish!"  
  
It clearly was 'rubbish' to him. He'd shown Remus that; he'd shown the _world_ that.  
  
But he couldn't help his fingers trembling as he unfolded the old, treasured parchment or smiling as he tapped it with his wand and murmured, with a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach: _"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."_  
  


***

  
Being held by someone- properly held- when you think that nothing on earth can harm you as long as you both keep clinging onto each other, was but a distant memory to Remus.  
  
That remained true, until he had pulled Sirius up off those dusty floorboards; those _terrible_ floorboards of the Shrieking Shack.  
  
_Sirius is **innocent**_ he had chanted silently to himself as he embraced the man. He kept on repeating it in his mind until all the horrible pieces fell into place, and he was fighting so hard not to cry out (or even, howl, he corrected wryly) but still, there was finally a flicker of hope burning within him.  
  


***

  
Saying goodbye- especially to Harry- was much more difficult than he first thought it would be. That's why he did it all as quickly as possible; it was just Remus's way: Hurry, hurry, hurry until all of his troubles were struggling to catch up with him.  
  
He had taken a further step concerning the previous night. Never had he felt so idiotic: after years of precautions and hesitancy, he had almost ruined it all.  
  
Remus shivered slightly and swallowed, glad that most of the students were outside, so he didn't have to avoid their gazes of shock and, most likely, disgust.  
  
He was also relieved, that he hadn't run into Severus, because he honestly wouldn't know how to react after all that had happened last night-  
  
Remus suddenly slowed and stopped. A few more paces, and he would be outside in the courtyard.  
  
Yet...Remus sighed heavily. He did not seem ready to leave; it was quite akin to taking out a part of himself and departing without its presence.  
  
And then he knew instinctively, exactly what had to be done.  
  
Remus carefully and quietly drew out his wand. Whispering the incantation, he etched on a block of brick like stone:  
  
_Moony, Padfoot and Prongs were here._  
  
He wondered whether he should carve the date into the stone, too, but almost immediately decided against it: for he could pretend that it was written back in the glorious days of innocence and maraudering and that the traitor never existed. That was really all Remus's life was: pretending.  
  
And with a slight smile, and a final murmur of " _Mischief Managed_ ,", Remus John Lupin picked up his battered old suitcase and left.


End file.
